Our federal government continues to disrespect us. By us, I mean all those who inhabit the spaces from Beaumont to El Paso and Dalhart to Brownsville: the Great State of Texas, the biggest state in the USA. It’s appalling that our government refuses to concede this fact. The liberal bureaucrats of the U.S. Census Bureau claim that Alaska is more than twice the size of our great state. That’s a lie!
First, you must understand the biblical precept. On the third day, God gathered the water to one place and let dry ground appear. That is ground, or firmament; it does not include ice. Everyone knows Alaska is an oversized ice cube. If the ice were stripped away, the actual ground in Alaska is more closely the size of Nebraska. Do these unelected bureaucrats claim jurisdiction over the Almighty?
The government also uses fake science to advance their lie. Alaska is presented on flat maps as a Mercator projection. This technique, though it has some uses in navigation, distorts the size of land masses, making them appear larger than they actually are as you move away from the equator. Thus, when a student studies a flat map that includes both Texas and Alaska, Alaska appears much larger than reality. When that student is told by a leftist teacher that the distortion is reality, the student accepts and repeats the lie.
It’s not just today’s scientists and educators distorting reality; this disrespect for Texas’s size reaches far back in the national consciousness and includes systematic assaults on our very borders. Early maps clearly show the great state’s boundaries included most of Arizona, New Mexico, and parts of Colorado and Oklahoma. How did we let the federal government execute a systematic land grab of our territory?
A botched attempt was made in 1848 to right these injustices. When General Winfield Scott captured Mexico City, he was met by a contingent of aristocrats that begged him to take the country and establish order. Texas was ready to absorb Mexico into our borders, but instead, the Yankee general only negotiated a sliver of land between the Nueces and Rio Grande Rivers to increase our great state’s size. To insult us further, he accepted California for the U.S. rather than for Texas, to whom it rightfully belonged.
This disrespect towards Texas’s size continues. In 1963, our liberal, Yankee president gave away another square mile of our sacred state. Unbelievably, Texans in an El Paso neighborhood were forcibly removed from their homes, and the Rio Grande was re-routed to incorporate the area on the Mexican side of the river.
Now, the federal government is considering annexing Canada. Although, like Alaska, it is not much more than a continent-sized popsicle, they also assert themselves as larger than Texas. What?! These radicals have a demonic obsession with declaring Texas the third-largest state. It’s a sickness, really.
This madness must stop! If our DEI hire of a governor won’t stand up for us, we need a populist movement to Make Texas Big Again. Or, Let’s Get Big Texas, Quickly. The name is not important; it’s size that matters. We must take action to defend our rightful status as the largest state in the union. It is time to annex Mexico and Central America.
This proposition will be gratefully embraced by our southern neighbors. The Mexicans already demonstrated in 1848 they would prefer to be under our dominion. Ecuador can resettle any indigenous peoples that the Marxists may agitate. Others will gladly accept offers to relocate to Gazalago for work as gardeners and housekeepers in the big, beautiful new resorts.
Central America is essential, both for size and border security. Anyone who has played a simple game of Risk understands there is just over 100 miles of border to fence between Panama (or South Texas, should I say) and Colombia. This easily defensible strip of land will allow for the border security so desperately needed.
The addition of these areas will admittedly change our shape; we’ll lose the Big Bend, but we will now clearly be seen on maps as the big swinging dick of North America. Speaking of maps, our final demand in righting the injustices done to us is renaming the Gulf of America to the Texas Ocean. This is non-negotiable. A state as blessed and big as Texas cannot be satisfied with a gulf or sea. We need an ocean, and we will get one!
Come, patriots, and put Alaska in its place and show the feds what we’re really made of. God Bless Texas!
